TAKE A CHILL PILL.

I'M ONLY MAKING PLANS FOR NIGEL.

GOD.

scratch my name on your arm with a fountain pen

[this means you really love me]


listening to meat is murder, in its entirety^1 ... it still has london [round 1] written all over it.

it always will.

all i was going to say before is that i feel sorry for people who don't know what it's like to be passionate about something... even if it's something as arguably trivial as the smiths[/morrissey].

i wrote a 21-page paper about this band ... this album, in particular.

i think that's quite enough about that for one night.

---

1. and by "in its entirety", i mean NINE tracks, not ten.

1. The Headmaster Ritual
2. Rusholme Ruffians
3. I Want The One I Can't Have
4. What She Said
5. That Joke Isn't Funny Anymore
6. Nowhere Fast
7. Well I Wonder
8. Barbarism Begins At Home
9. Meat Is Murder

and so i drank one,it became four..

[ listening to 'stop me if you think that you've heard this one before', and thinking about how it was the last song i ever expected to hear as the last encore for that last show at the london palladium [28th may - happy birthday] ... not that he had any reason not to play it; it's a brilliant song [i have, on more than one occasion, declared 'strangeways...' the best of the smiths' four 'proper' albums overall, and morrissey has been known to agree with me there] ... but i'd spent the previous three weeks complaining about how he wasn't playing nearly enough of it. by the end, i'd pretty much come to terms with the fact that i was going to have to sit there and frown and roll my eyes as the rest of the audience went completely apeshit for yet another mediocre rendition of 'how soon is now'.. and that shortly thereafter, a slightly slower, albeit infinitely more remarkable, song [i.e. 'trouble loves me'] would inevitably serve to signal some sort of 'intermission', and i would stand there, trying not to cry [there is such a thing as TOO cliche], trying to ignore all these people [probably the ones who think 'how soon is now' is the greatest song the smiths ever recorded^1] pushing past me on their way to the bathroom or the merch stand or the bar for one last pint...

i feel sorry for those people, really.

it's not that i think everybody and their mother should be passionately and obsessively devoted to morrissey and the smiths. i don't even think everybody ....BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAHBLAH BLAH BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHHHH BLAHBLAH BLAHBLAH BBBBBLAH.

[i'm shutting myself off now... because, as a wise woman once told me, "there is a such a thing as TOO cliche".]^2

---

1. i have a lot to say about such people, but for now, i'll leave it at this: if you only love 'how soon is now', you don't love the smiths. in fact, you probably don't even like the smiths.
OF COURSE it's a fucking great song, but it's unlike virtually anything else they've ever recorded. IT WAS NEVER MEANT TO BE CRUDELY AND HAPHAZARDLY INTERPOSED BETWEEN 'THAT JOKE ISN'T FUNNY ANYMORE' AND 'NOWHERE FAST' AS THE FIRST SONG ON THE SECOND SIDE OF 'MEAT IS MURDER'!!!! IT WAS A FUCKING B-SIDE TO 'WILLIAM IT WAS REALLY NOTHING' BUT SIRE SHOVED IT ON THE ALBUM FOR ITS US RELEASE BECAUSE THEY KNEW THAT STUPID AMERICAN DOUCHEBAGS WOULD EAT IT UP.... IT DOESN'T EVEN FUCKING SOUND LIKE THE REST OF THE FUCKING ALBUM!!!!! IT IS THE IDIOMATIC SORE THUMB OF THE BAND'S ENTIRE REPERTOIRE!!!! ........... ok ok ok ok. sorry. it's a sore spot.

2. <3 footnotes.

TEN OF SWORDS

Ten of Swords
© Tarot.com



POSITIONAL (MAIN) MEANING
The challenge has to do with overcoming adversity, or it may be appropriate for you to reconsider current plans.

The card in the Challenges/Opportunities position reflects how you can use creativity to turn a crisis or challenge into an opportunity.

The Ten of Swords in this position says "Know when to cut your losses." Tap the good sense Nature gave you and let go of the situation, accepting that it cannot bear a lot of positive fruit right now. Certain lines of development are not worth following right now, no matter what promises or expectations may have been made.

There may be no advantage in traveling this road any longer. Outrageous developments have effectively negated agreements or expectations. It's like the system has crashed and the progress you thought you had made is lost. The lesson in a case like this is to know when and how to detach yourself from a situation. Don't go down with the ship ... he or she who fights and runs away will live to fight another day!

goodbye, cruel world

this weekend has actually been pretty incredible.

it's about time.



[IN PROGRESS]


big plans..

sound advice.

you've told me, on countless occasions, that i should stop saying i'm going to do things, and just start doing them.

consider it done.

bored

i should be studying.. but i'm not, yet. for now, i'm just sitting here, wishing i had some company.

WHY I GUESS SOMETIMES THE U.S. IS OKAY, TOO

!!!
Arcwelder
The Black Heart Procession
Calexico
CocoRosie
Didjits (all original members)
Enon
The Ex
Girls Against Boys (all original members)
Killdozer (all original members)
Ted Leo + Pharmacists
Man... Or Astroman? (all original members)
Negative Approach (featuring John Brannon and OP Moore)
The New Year
Pegboy
Pinback
Quasi
Scratch Acid (all original members)
Seam
Shellac
The Shipping News
Supersystem
Three Mile Pilot
Uzeda
+ a couple of songs from Big Black

WHY IT IS RETARDEDLY STUPID OF ME TO LIVE ANYWHERE OTHER THAN ENGLAND [EXHIBIT A]

NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS 2006
IGGY & THE STOOGES
SONIC YOUTH
BARDO POND
SIX ORGANS OF ADMITTANCE
JACKIE-O MOTHERFUCKER
CHARALAMBIDES
MY CAT IS AN ALIEN
THE SKATERS
MELVINS
MAGIK MARKERS
ALEXANDER TUCKER
DEERHOOF
WOODEN WAND
SUNBURNED HAND OF THE MAN
RICHARD YOUNGS
WOLF EYES
NEGATIVE APPROACH
DEAD C
MONOTRACT
PRURIENT
AWESOME COLOUR
DKT MC5 FEATURING MARK ARM
DINOSAUR JR
GANG OF FOUR
BE YOUR OWN PET
NURSE WITH WOUND
AARON DILLOWAY
MAJOR STARS
MOUTHUS
BLOOD STEREO
DOUBLE LEOPARDS

WHAT WAS THAT, GEORGE? ... DID YOU SAY "BRING IT ON!"?

Iran's Hizbollah says ready to attack US, Israel

TEHRAN (Reuters) - Iran's Hizbollah, which claims links to the Lebanese group of the same name, said on Tuesday it stood ready to attack Israeli and U.S. interests worldwide.

"We have 2,000 volunteers who have registered since last year," said Iranian Hizbollah's spokesman Mojtaba Bigdeli, speaking by telephone from the central seminary city of Qom.

"They have been trained and they can become fully armed. We are ready to dispatch them to every corner of the world to jeopardise Israel and America's interests. We are only waiting for the Supreme Leader's green light to take action. If America wants to ignite World War Three ... we welcome it," he said.

---

...

...ummm ...

i hate to say it, but we're way ahead of you, dude.. we ignited the shit out of world war three ages ago.. we're just keeping it on a low simmer til we're ready to bust out the big guns.

you'll see.

i'm an oracle so fucking listen up.

Self: Queen of Coins

© Tarot.com

POSITIONAL (MAIN) MEANING
You can divine true meaning by using your penetrating intuition on behalf of your career or work place.

The card in the Self position is about the role you play in your work, the way you play it, the way you feel about it, your attitude about your work in general.

The Queen of Coins in this position indicates that you have come into full possession of your instincts and intuitions. You trust your body's wisdom, know how to decipher the signs and clues within daily events, and can feel the energies at work to discern the direction in which things are moving in your career or work environment.

You may be an oracle for your family or tribe. You can open yourself to a question and decipher the natural response your body/mind gives. You may work with oracle systems like the Tarot, I Ching or Runes -- or you may not. The feedback you give others is invariably useful, practical and educational. You are grounded in the practical world and your hunches are trustworthy; others can bank on them. This card is quite a compliment to you.

BFFs

BFFs
Originally uploaded by times of grace.

mad pussy

IF THAT'S REALLY ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY,... GET OFF THE FUCKING STAGE

i cannot f'ing believe that that stupid canadian twit found someone who was willing to marry her. there are number of things that i am taking issue with as far as this situation is concerned: A1. she's 21. B2. how could anybody -- EVEN THE DUDE FROM SUM 41, WHO IS JUST AS F'ING WORTHLESS AS SHE IS -- take that girl seriously for even,like, a minute? i swear to god, if i ever had to talk to her, all i'd be able to do is giggle because that s'skater boi' song would be playing in my head and i'd be thinking about how the fact that she spelled it 'boi' is probably actually the worst thing about the whole song... all she had to do was change that one letter and INSTANTLY, OMG! IT'S A FUCKING ONE WOMAN ROCK REVOLUTION BECAUSE I SWEAR TO GOD WITH THAT ONE FUCKING ACT THAT GIRL SUBJECTED THE ENTIRE WORLD TO A LEVEL OF COMPLETE AND UTTER GARBAGE HERETOFORE UNCONCEIVABLE. I'M REALLY FUCKING PISSED BECAUSE ITS GIRLS LIKE HER WHO LITERALLY CAUSE THE CAROUSEL OF PROGRESS TO NOT JUST STOP AND STAGNATE -- WHICH IS BAD ENOUGH, -- BUT TO ACTUALLY START MOVING IN REVERSE !!! FUCKING BACKWARDS!!! DEFUCKINGVOLVING!!.... AND THEY DON'T EVEN FUCKING GET IT, THAT'S THE WORST FUCKING PART!!!!!

ajgghgAHHGHHHHH. SO PISSED.. AND SO SICK OF NOTHING MEANING ANYTHING

ALSO SICK OF BOMBS, MISSILES, OTHER PROJECTILE EXPLOSIVES, AIR RAIDS, GROUND INVASIONS, 'NOT GROUND INVASIONS', DEAD KIDS, DEAD PEOPLE IN GENERAL, IGNORANCE, INTOLERANCE, DISHONESTY, GUNS, GODS, MONEY, THE FUCKING MIDDLE EAST, OIL, THE NEWS, INEQUALITY, HELPLESSNESS, CONFUSION, GUILT, SHAME, JEALOUSY, ETC.

that's enough for now.

i wasn't ready for morning

... but look,there it is, and there's not really much i can do about it., is there?

maybe i do have control issues. respressed ones.

i guess they aren't actually "issues" if i know enough to repress them.. it's more like "control urges". or "control fantasies"... i mean.. of course i wish i could make people do whatever i wanted them to.. but i never want anybody to do anything they don't want to do just for me, or because of me.. well, secretly, i kind of do. i don't want anybody to change or anything, but sometimes i wish that people would want to do what i want them to, because i really don't have very many opinions on what anyone else should do, but any time that i do, i really don't think it's ever anything particularly demanding or unbearable... but then again, "a shoe that fits one person pinches another," and just because i think something is a good idea obviously doesn't mean it is objectively so, or that anyone who disagrees with me is wrong and a moron or mildly retarded or catholic or something.. well, i mean, it does, kind of ... but i would never actually say that ... except that i just did ... but in real life, i would have said it in my head.. or i would have meant to, anyway.

alright,enough. the point is ... i do wish that sometimes, i could control things. not all things... not even all the things you might expect... but some things.. but i can't, and i accept that i can't, because even if i could, and i did, people would probably end up resenting me. ... and i really, really,really can't stand the thought of being resented, so i'll deal with whatever i have to deal with in order to minimize the possibility of it happening.. hmm, so really, it seems as though the issues aren't actually about "control" at all.. it's more to do with satisfying my bizarrely selective need for approval.. [generally,i care way too much about what some people think of me , and not at all about others]... and i wouldn't say that i have an overdeveloped ego or anything, but maybe once i've made up my mind about a situation, or formulated an opinion on something, i might sometimes be a little bit unwilling to consider alternate perspectives ... but i do an awful lot of internal [and external] deliberating before i actually get to that point, and i know it's impossible to be completely objective all the time, but i'm actually quite good at detaching from a situation and giving equal consideration to as many different potential sides/viewpoints/outcomes/whatever
as i can possibly imagine.. and i have a very active imagination.

anyway, lots of things keep me up at nightt, but this isn't one of them. i don't even rememeber why i started talking about it in the first place... oh, yeah i do. because it's morning already. ... right.

who needs therapy?

sorted.

i'm off to get a coke.

TOO MANY TIMES TO BE CONSIDERED A COINCIDENCE

i am definitely psychic

this same sort of thing happened to me one day in london, and a copuple more times since then... andi always thought it a bit odd, and made some joking remark about my psychic abilities... but now it's happened again, and i'm convinced that there's more to it han mere coincidence.

earlier tonight, i was sitting here reading morrissey interviews from the eaarly 80's and extracting what i considered to be ihis best quotes and compiling them into a blog entry ..[wwhat... isn't that how all the cool kids spend their saturday nights?] ... anyway, in one of the interviews, he's discussing andy warhol ["a depressing waste of time"] and.. oh, here, i'll just copy and paste it:

Why use Joe Dallesandro out of Andy Warhol's Flesh for the album sleeve?
Well, I feel a twinge of sadness about that. Up till then everything had an icy Britishness to it, then I succumbed to the whole Warhol thing - like those modernites who crave the Factory thing and everything from late Sixties New York which surely was a depressing waste of time.
Valerie Solanas thought so, she tried to assassinate Andy Warhol.
Yes, he made a misogynistic comment and she took umbrage, loaded her pistol and aimed it at Andy's delicate little brain.
Do you admire that in a woman?
I do because then she wrote a book about it, which was quite rivetting. I mean how obstreperous can you get? Shooting Andy Warhol, then going straight home, getting out the typewriter: Why I Shot Andy Warhol by Agnes Gooch. It's captivating..

after reading that, i opened a new browser window and went off on a warhol/factory google tangent for a little while,... at one point, i rewas reading the imdb page for 'i shot andy warhol', which i have never seen.. and now, several hours later, i'm flipping through the viewing guide.. and guess what movie is on cinemax?

'i shot andy warhol'.

i don't have cinemax, so i can't watch it.
but it's on, nonetheless, and i had absolutely no idea that it would be. i had no way of knowing. i didn't look ahead in the listings; there's no way i could have even flipped through and seen it really quickly and absorbed it in my subconscious or anything like that ... and it isn't like i thought of it entirely out of the blue; it's only because i was read ing that interview.. and it's not as if i knew it was going to be on; it's not that kind of 'psychicness' .. it's more like.. i don't know.. kind of synchronicitious, i guess..? lithe first time it happened, i was texting will to tell him i couldn't hardly wait for him to get to london, which reminded me of the movie "can't hardly wait", which turned out to be on television later that day (or maybe the next day.. shortly thereafter, either way) ... incidentally, it was also on a channel that i didn't actually get, and i only knew because i saw it in the listings ...

anyway ... for what it's worth.

such a heavenly way to die ...

"John and Elsie Steel, aged 91 and 93, were hit by a bus as it turned into Bury Interchange on Monday.

The couple were due to celebrate their 70th wedding anniversary on August 8, while Mr Steel was preparing to mark his 92nd birthday tomorrow."
[article]

so .. let me get this straight...
a double-decker bus did actually crash into them

and they did actually die by each other sides

?????


... is it weird if i'm kind of jealous?

i mean.. it's a terrible tragedy, obviously... but if i had to die tragically, i'd at least like for there to be some sort of a smiths reference/connection involved.

MARISSA'S TOP XIII VOLUME 1

MORRISSEY SOLO SONGS [WITH LYRICS]

check it.

[ just for the record ]

that graphic at the top of the page with the snail on it is just a placeholder ... and i had nothing to do with any of that stuff in yonder sidebar ;
<-----------------------------------------------
but i'm working on getting rid of it ASAPP ...it's the generic text/links that come with the template... and i'm really only using the template to try to learn css. so far... umm.. i'm still trying to decide which font to use for the title graphic.. but i'm confident that once i get past that first hurdle,it'll be smoooooooth sailing all the way home

or wherever i'm meant to be taking this sshit

i finally found RAM that works in my computer and it will say that there iskind of a huge difference between 256MB [what i had before,due to the fact that my lower memory slot is busted] and 1GB..... right now i have at least 8 applications running, including photoshop, bbedit, firefox, thunderbird, and nvu.... and ... and you'd never even know it!!! everything just..works! i press open-apple tab to switch to another program, and bam, it switches ... just like that... so long,stupid spinning wheel.. we hardly knew ye

yeah right.

we knew ye intimately

thou shant be missed

BEFORE I FORGET: NEW LIFE GOAL

.i'm going to print out all of the lyrics to all of the smiths songs
then i'm going to cut the songs into strips so that each line of each song is on its own strip of paper
then i'm going to turn them into a book.

not, like.. a published book, or anything that would be distributed. just one copy ... i just think it sounds like fun, and i'm curious to start trying to weave all of those lines from all of those songs into one cohesive story ... or maybe a few short stories.. ? it will depend, i guess ...before anything else, i need to get all of the lyrics together into one big text file so i know what i'm working with.

that file must exist somewhere already. i'm sure

i'm gonna go find out.

MARISSA'S TOP THIRTEEN #1

TOP THIRTEEN MORRISSEY SOLO SONGS
[AND THEIR LYRICS, BECAUSE THE MAN IS FUCKING PROLIFIC, BUT I THINK THAT ALL TOO OFTEN, HIS CLEVERNESS/HILARITY/PERCEPTIVENESS/INTELLIGENCE/WIT/RELEVANCE/ETC. TENDS TO BE EITHER SIGNIFICANTLY UNDERAPPRECIATED, HORRIBLY MISUNDERSTOOD, OR BOTH, PARTICULARLY IN LIGHT OF HIS [NOT ENTIRELY UNFOUNDED, BUT RIDICULOUSLY OVERSIMPLIFIED] REPUTATION AS A WHINEY, MISERABLE, SELF-RIGHTEOUS PRAT IN DESPERATE NEED OF "A GOOD HUMPING" (J. MARR, 1985)... SO MANY PEOPLE (MYSELF INCLUDED, WHEN I WAS YOUNG AND SHAMEFULLY IGNORANT) SEEM TO WRITE HIM OFF, SIGHT UNSEEN [OR 'SONGS UNHEARD'], BECAUSE OF THAT REPUTATION [INCIDENTALLY, [IT BLOWS MY MIND HOW UNBELIEVABLY PERVASIVE [INSIDIOUS, REALLY] THE WHOLE MORRISSEY=MISERABLIST NOTION IS, PARTICULARLY GIVEN THE FACT THAT IT IS A SHALLOW, SIMPLISTIC, AND CATEGORICALLY MISREPRESENTATIVE INTERPRETATION OF WHO AND WHAT HE REALLY IS ... THAT'S NOT TO SAY THAT THERE ISN'T SOME TRUTH TO IT; HE IS UNDENIABLY SOMETHING OF A PETULANT DRAMA QUEEN, AND HE DOES SEEM TO EXHIBIT A BIT OF A PERSECUTION COMPLEX FROM TIME TO TIME ... BUT THAT'S PART OF HIS CHARM, REALLY, AND THAT'S NOT ALL THERE IS ... HE IS ALSO WICKEDLY FUNNY, MORBIDLY CYNICAL, SHOCKINGLY BLUNT, INCREDIBLY PERCEPTIVE, TERRIBLY INSECURE, INFAMOUSLY OUTSPOKEN, AND UTTERLY UNAPOLOGETIC ABOUT IT. THE THING ABOUT MORRISSEY -- AND I REALLY DON'T THINK HE GETS NEARLY ENOUGH CREDIT FOR THIS -- IS THAT HE GOT WHERE HE IS TODAY PRETTY MUCH ENTIRELY ON HIS OWN TERMS. THERE ARE SO MANY MUSICIANS WHO ARE ABSOLUTELY OVERJOYED AT THE OPPORTUNITY TO BEND OVER AND TAKE IT RIGHT UP THE BUTT-- HARD -- SANS LUBE -- FROM THE FIRST INDUSTRY SCHMUCK IN A SUIT WHO DEMONSTRATES EVEN THE MOST MISGUIDED OR ABSTRACT SORT OF INTEREST IN THEIR DEMO [OR THEIR "POTENTIAL"].. YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS TO "ARTISTS" [AND I USE THE TERM LOOSELY] LIKE THAT? ... MOST LIKELY, THEY FIGURE OUT ABOUT A MINUTE TOO LATE THAT THE POSITION THEY'VE JUST ASSUMED IS A PERMANENT ONE... AND MAYBE THEY GET A RECORD DEAL.. MAYBE THEY GET FAME AND FORTUNE AND THEY BANG LOADS OF HOT YOUNG CHICKS AND THEIR MERCH IS FLYING OFF THE SHELVES OF EVERY HOT TOPIC FROM BOISE TO SCHENECTADY .... MAYBE THEY THINK THEY'RE HAPPY; MAYBE THEY THINK THEY'RE MAKING GREAT MUSIC; MAYBE THEY'RE "THE NEXT BIG THING" ... BUT ULTIMATELY, ALL THEY REALLY ARE IS BENT OVER ACONFERENCE TABLE IN SOME FANCY BOARDROOM IN SOME SKYSCRAPER IN SOME WITH THEIR, PANTS AROUND THEIR ANKLES, TAKING IT IN THE BUTT.... BLINDFOLDED, PROBABLY.. MAYBE SHACKLED TO A RADIATOR OR SOMETHING... WITH A BALL GAG JAMMED IN THEIR MOUTH... AND A 'KICK ME' SIGN TAPED ON THEIR BACK..... WAIT. WHERE AM I GOING WITH THIS?

NOT IMPORTANT. I'LL PUT THE MORRISSEY SONGS IN THE NEXT ENTRY.... THIS ONE HAS OBVIOUSLY TAKEN ON A MIND OF ITS OWN, AND I'M SICK OF TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHERE THE HELL IT THINKS IT'S GOING.

HEY ... THAT USUALLY ONLY HAPPENS WITH FEELINGS. ... WHAT THE FUCK? ...

I'M FINALLY STARTING TO COME TO TERMS WITH THE [ENTIRELY COUNTERINTUITIVE, UNFAIR, AND CRUEL JOKE OF A] FACT THAT DESPITE MY FEELINGS BEING EXACTLY THAT -- MY FEELINGS -- I CANNOT ALWAYS CONTROL WHEN AND WHERE AND HOW THEY CHOOSE TO MANIFEST THEMSELVES, AND IN WHICH WAYS. IT DOESN'T MEAN I'VE GIVEN UP TRYING. SOMEDAY I WILL BE THE MASTER OF MY INNER DOMAIN.

THEN MAYBE IN MY NEXT LIFE I'LL WORK ON BEING THE MASTER OF MY OUTER DOMAIN.

ALTHOUGH I SUSPECT THAT MASTERING ONE'S OUTER DOMAIN PROBABLY INVOLVES, LIKE.. WASHING DISHES... VACUUMING... PUTTING THINGS AWAY IN 'PROPER PLACES' ... [AS OPPOSED TO, SAY, PUTTING STUFF IN PILES, PUTTING THE PILES IN BINS/LAUNDRY BASKETS/MILK CRATES/ON THE FLOOR/IN CLOSETS/ON ALL OF THE UNOCCUPIED SEATS IN THE LIVING ROOM [IF SOMEONE COMES OVER AND NEEDS A SEAT, PILES ARE SYSTEMATICALLY CONSOLIDATED INTO BIGGER PILES UNTIL THE REQUISITE NUMBER OF SEATS HAVE BEEN CLEARED OFF (BY WHICH POINT, THE 'PILE OF PILES' GENERALLY BEGINS TO EXHIBIT THE CHARACTERISTICS OF A 'HEAP').....]

....

SIMONE DE BEAUVOIR SAID IT BEST:

"FEW TASKS ARE MORE LIKE THE TORTURE OF SISYPHYUS THAN HOUSEWORK, WITH ITS ENDLESS REPITITION: THE CLEAN BECOMES SOILED, THE SOILED IS MADE CLEAN, OVER AND OVER, DAY AFTER DAY."

OK... BRIGITTE BARDOT IS PICKING STUFF OUT OF THE TRASH.
I GOTTA GO REGULATE.

this charming fan

i am listening to kill uncle, and it's glorious.


'tomorrow' might be the best last song of all time.


okay.. strike that.. i was listening to kill uncle, and it ended, and i decided to switch to videos, starting with 'hulmerist' because the 'november spawned a monster' video is so hot..... then i think i'll watch 'the importance of being morrissey'.. then maybe one of the bootleg smiths dvds i have.. and then maybe i'll listen to ringleader of the tormentors on vinyl.... then i'll listen to strangeways on vinyl.. no.. then i'll listen to all the smiths albums in order on vinyl... whilst lying on my stomach. on my bed, with my face buried in my morrissey pillow, picturing myself, in ten or twenty years' time, sitting on a couch.. (perhaps this very same couch)... chainsmoking... in a bathrobe and slippers..or maybe a gigantic caftan.. from k-mart... ... watching these same morrissey videos... eating betty crocker rainbow chip frosting out of the container (with my non-smoking hand).. and i'll obviously be surrounded by, like, eight(y) cats.. i'll let them lick frosting off of my fingers... then i'll lick the rest off myself.. and eventually i'll die... but nobody will even notice, because i'll probably have alienated myself from all of my friends and neighbors.. and i probably get my groceries delivered, but i probably make the delivery person stuff the bags through the cat door, so that i don't have to actually talk to him/her... and eventually, after my body has spent a good solid week or two decomposing on the couch, and the cats have devoured absolutely anything and everything they could find in the apartment that was even remotely edible, they'll gather round my rotting corpse and start eyeing it,albeit somewhat apprehensively... they'll exchange glances with each other, until eventually, one of them (probably morrissey) will move in a little closer.. sniff around my feet a little bit... lick a toe or two.. contemplate it for a moment.. look around at the rest of them... give an almost imperceptable little nod of his head... and suddenly they'll all pounce on my lifeless body and start gnawing away at it, devouring my flesh and muscles and tendons and fat and organs like a bunch of starving termites going at a 2 x 4, until all that's left on the couch is my skeleton, my muumuu (i assume they'd eat around the fabric), an overflowing ashtray, and an empty can of rainbow chip frosting.






... ooh, i love it when he drives the tractor !!!


i really don't want to die alone.


at lunch yesterday, matt said that he thinks i'm underrated.

i concurred.

my prayers, answered.

the best thing to come out of germany since...well, since ever,really. as far as i'm concerned, this totally makes up for the holocaust.

http://www.smintair.com

since you're probably too lazy to actuallyfollow that link, ihere is a brief summary:

THE WORLD'S FIRST ALL-SMOKING AIRLINE.

ALL

SMOKING.

ALL.
EVERYWHERE.

they don't just tolerate it. they motherfucking ENCOURAGE it.

lavatory smoke detector? ... WHAT lavatory smoke detector?! try lavatory ASHTRAY!
HELL YEAH! i can only hope that this is the start of a trend.. i can see it now.... all-smoking restaurants.. bars.. malls.. hospitals... schools.. churches.... movie theatres.. rapid transit systems.. incredible. i'm so glad that germany is one of the up-and-coming economies of the new world order.. along with the azns, and everybody knows those motherfuckers smoke like it's going out of style... which, oadmittedly, it might have done, for a brief period... but IT'S GONNA BE BACK.. AND BIGGER THAN EVER! just you wait.. smokers of the world unite!! you have nothing to lose but your mid-flight nicotine fits!!

yes, virginia.. there is a santa claus.

amen.

QUIZMANIA

You scored as Albus Dumbledore. Strong and powerful you admirably defend your world and your charges against those who would seek to harm them. However sometimes you can fail to do what you must because you care too much to cause suffering. Albus Dumbledore 85% Harry Potter 80% Remus Lupin 75% Ginny Weasley 75% Hermione Granger 70% Severus Snape 65% Draco Malfoy 60% Ron Weasley 60% Sirius Black 60% Lord Voldemort 30% Your Harry Potter Alter Ego Is...? created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Very Kinky. You are very Kinky. You are not over the top but you like kinky arousements and you are willing to try something new every time. You will make a very fun sex partner Very Kinky 90% A Sicko 80% Average 30% A WUSS !! 10% How sexual are you created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Mushrooms. Shrooms! You're still goin for one of the most natural drugs. You'd like to visit a whole other world, and see things you've never seen before. Fucking trippy. Mushrooms 88% Ecstacy 81% Cocaine 81% Marijuana 56% Inhalents 50% Alcohol 50% None! 44% What's your ideal drug? created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Belle. You scored as BELLE. You're beautiful and you love to read, but many people don't understand you or your family and they often make fun of you. You're in love with a tall and hairy guy who you know how to make roar. You often talk to random objects around your house because, well, they talk back! Belle 75% Ariel 67% Sleeping Beauty 46% Yucky Little Ant 46% Jasmine 46% Snow White 42% Cinderella 17% Which Princess Are You? created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Gay Boy!. im not saying your a lesbian...actually its the exact opposite! you love love love guys! You love fashion and being yourself =D you have lots of friends and your very caring! your nice, fun, sweet and pretty much everyone likes you! you go girl...or in this case, boy! Gay Boy! 75% Preppy Boy 50% Goth Boy 38% Emo Boy 38% Ghetto Guy 25% If you were a Boy...[Pics, for girlies, but doesnt matter 2 much] created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Crack Whore. Way to sell your innocence for smack. Your chemically ravaged body can't even be used as an organ donor. You are truly a worthless human being. Crack Whore 65% Skeezbag 35% Full-Blown (wink) Whore 35% Quasi-Whore 20% Man Whore 20% Gold Digga' 0% What's Your Whoretype? created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Computer Geek. You are a computer geek. Nothing appeals to you more than not seeing the outside of your room for hours due to a marathon programming session or covert hack operation. You can speak binary fluently and nobody gets your jokes. You probably work in IT. Computer Geek 60% Nerd 40% Gamer 35% Mathlete 30% Sci-fi nerd 15% What type of nerd are you? created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Mods. Mods - in the early 60s they rode their scooters to declare a new working class time with it's association to hankering upward social movement / european sophistication rather than working class pride. Their testimony lives on till this day, and above all there look is more contemporary than ever. Mods 81% Rave / Dance 63% New Romantics / New Wave 50% Punk 50% Hippie 44% Glam Rock 44% Rockabilly / Teddyboys 44% Hip Hop 31% Which Past SubCulture fits you best? created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Single by mistake. You are single, but not because you like enjoy being by yourself but because of previous disappointments. Don't let your life be ruined by feelings of pride and fear. Never forget, if you don't risk anything you can't win! Single by mistake 90% Married 75% M. W. Kids 70% Single by choice 50% Will you stay single or get married? *pics* created with QuizFarm.com

it's sunday, and you know what that means..

... it means i fucking hate it!

so bored.. watching the world cup final in my living room, wishing i[we, really] were watching it on that tiny tv in my room in london.. or in the pub down the street... or anywhere but here, really.

whatever.. i'm the one who wanted to come home..

live and learn...

well.. live, anyway.

i've said that before. i never want to say it again.

Long-term Potential: Eight of Cups
© Tarot.com

POSITIONAL (MAIN) MEANING
Assess whether you want to remain in a situation that doesn't bode well. Consider switching tracks.

The card in the Long-term Potential position points to unknowns still taking shape. It is the "wild card" yet to be played.

With the Eight of Cups in this position, there is potential for some form of manipulation or exploitation to repeat itself. You didn't like it the first time, when you discovered the true nature of what you were dealing with. You were used, treated carelessly or heedlessly taken advantage of. Why are you sticking around for more? Nothing so far has reversed the trend.

Reevaluate your participation in a situation characterized by an imbalance of power, with you on the bottom. Don't let this dynamic continue; it has negative long term potential. Consider avoiding these kinds of situations or people in the future.

what i was afraid of

i think i got spoiled, having you all to myself.. even if only for a week and a half. last time this happened, i came home and tried to pretend you didn't exist, with marginal success... but i never stopped wishing it could have just stayed the way it was. needless to say, it couldn't... i got it back for a little while, though, this summer..it was different; we're different.. but it was the same, too... better in some ways, worse in others, but at the end of it all, i was left wandering around heathrow airport alone, feeling completely lost (despite the fact that i knew exactly where i was going), and lamenting the fact that the one thing that made everything about living in london feel utterly complete was on its way back to massachusetts.. i knew i would be following shortly thereafter, but i knew it wouldn't be the same.. what i didn't know, however, was just how different it would be.

i miss you.

p.s.

allie and i had the most fun at the cape. we might go back next weekend.. or tomorrow...

first day of school number six thousand three hundred seventy two

[feels like]

i had to ship four boxes of stuff back from london and every time one of them shows up i sigh and add it to the pile ... i haven't opened any of them yet, either because i don't need to add any more stuff to everything i already have to deal with, or because i have this fantasy where i send them back from whence they came, and meet them at the airport.

allow me to reiterate, once again, the fact that i hate sundays

so, i did go out last night.. i didn't really think i would, but i wasn't particularly tired and i was unbelievably bored, having spent the entire day by myself at my apartment, trying to get things in order.. and besides, i'm a sucker for an invitation. so i went out, had fun, met some new people, whatever.. came home, sat down on the couch, look to my left, and see a tiny little mouse standing by the wall under the kitchen table.. it eventually darted across the floor and ended up under or behind the couch. i guess it would have been worse if it was anything new, but i already dealt with mice at my old apartment and figured it was probably just a matter of time before they'd show up here... but... for the love of god.. why does that time have to be NOW!??!?!

i take full responsibility for my own actions and i freely admit that i was the one who was all excited at the prospect of being back in boston. i am also big on admitting my mistakes, and learning from them.. so -- and this is the only time i'm going to address the matter -- i made a mistake in leaving london. i should have figured out a way to stay, and i'm sure i could have, had i really put my mind to it. i would have met people as soon as i started school or work ... proper, british people, not shitty american college kids... anyway, i shouldn't have left. i shouldn't have left the last time, and i shouldn't have left this time, and next time, i won't.

that's it.

end of discussion.

mice

... someone remind me why i came back here?

par-taaaayy! [... ?]

just got invited to a random party somewhere in brighton .. normally i'd have no problem saying no, but this particular invitation was accompanied by an onslaught of peer pressure unlike any i have encountered lately and i am kind of thinking maybe i should go check it out..?... more on this story as it develops

WISE WORDS FROM MY NUMEROLOGY REPORT

"Imagine what it would be like to devote all your energies to creating your perfect environment and reaching those goals you knew with absolute certainty would bring you love, happiness, and contentment, merely to find that you have spent your whole life chasing an illusion. This is a reality for many people, MARISSA. You don't want that. And the only way to prevent this scenario from becoming your personal life story is by occasionally stepping away from the path you rolled out in front of you. This is the time to do just that. And the best way to do that is by devoting your energies to the betterment of mankind. Be an idealist for awhile.

Key ingredients for this period are idealism, selflessness, and modesty."

i was just remembering

.. the night that we were wandering around the garage at the pru, got in the elevator, and somehow found ourselves in the middle of the supermarket...

good times.

motherfuckers

fuck portugal

i can't believe it's over

i hate penalty kicks

stupidest idea ever.

rooney... WHAT THE FUCK

after all that bullshit with the fucking metatarsals.. dude goes and steps on some portugese dude... are you shitting me? nice red card,douchebag.

(it's 4:15 in london)

seems a bit unnatural to be watching england v. portugal and drinking beer at 11:15 on a saturday morning, but i don't care