MARISSA'S TOP THIRTEEN #1

TOP THIRTEEN MORRISSEY SOLO SONGS
[AND THEIR LYRICS, BECAUSE THE MAN IS FUCKING PROLIFIC, BUT I THINK THAT ALL TOO OFTEN, HIS CLEVERNESS/HILARITY/PERCEPTIVENESS/INTELLIGENCE/WIT/RELEVANCE/ETC. TENDS TO BE EITHER SIGNIFICANTLY UNDERAPPRECIATED, HORRIBLY MISUNDERSTOOD, OR BOTH, PARTICULARLY IN LIGHT OF HIS [NOT ENTIRELY UNFOUNDED, BUT RIDICULOUSLY OVERSIMPLIFIED] REPUTATION AS A WHINEY, MISERABLE, SELF-RIGHTEOUS PRAT IN DESPERATE NEED OF "A GOOD HUMPING" (J. MARR, 1985)... SO MANY PEOPLE (MYSELF INCLUDED, WHEN I WAS YOUNG AND SHAMEFULLY IGNORANT) SEEM TO WRITE HIM OFF, SIGHT UNSEEN [OR 'SONGS UNHEARD'], BECAUSE OF THAT REPUTATION [INCIDENTALLY, [IT BLOWS MY MIND HOW UNBELIEVABLY PERVASIVE [INSIDIOUS, REALLY] THE WHOLE MORRISSEY=MISERABLIST NOTION IS, PARTICULARLY GIVEN THE FACT THAT IT IS A SHALLOW, SIMPLISTIC, AND CATEGORICALLY MISREPRESENTATIVE INTERPRETATION OF WHO AND WHAT HE REALLY IS ... THAT'S NOT TO SAY THAT THERE ISN'T SOME TRUTH TO IT; HE IS UNDENIABLY SOMETHING OF A PETULANT DRAMA QUEEN, AND HE DOES SEEM TO EXHIBIT A BIT OF A PERSECUTION COMPLEX FROM TIME TO TIME ... BUT THAT'S PART OF HIS CHARM, REALLY, AND THAT'S NOT ALL THERE IS ... HE IS ALSO WICKEDLY FUNNY, MORBIDLY CYNICAL, SHOCKINGLY BLUNT, INCREDIBLY PERCEPTIVE, TERRIBLY INSECURE, INFAMOUSLY OUTSPOKEN, AND UTTERLY UNAPOLOGETIC ABOUT IT. THE THING ABOUT MORRISSEY -- AND I REALLY DON'T THINK HE GETS NEARLY ENOUGH CREDIT FOR THIS -- IS THAT HE GOT WHERE HE IS TODAY PRETTY MUCH ENTIRELY ON HIS OWN TERMS. THERE ARE SO MANY MUSICIANS WHO ARE ABSOLUTELY OVERJOYED AT THE OPPORTUNITY TO BEND OVER AND TAKE IT RIGHT UP THE BUTT-- HARD -- SANS LUBE -- FROM THE FIRST INDUSTRY SCHMUCK IN A SUIT WHO DEMONSTRATES EVEN THE MOST MISGUIDED OR ABSTRACT SORT OF INTEREST IN THEIR DEMO [OR THEIR "POTENTIAL"].. YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS TO "ARTISTS" [AND I USE THE TERM LOOSELY] LIKE THAT? ... MOST LIKELY, THEY FIGURE OUT ABOUT A MINUTE TOO LATE THAT THE POSITION THEY'VE JUST ASSUMED IS A PERMANENT ONE... AND MAYBE THEY GET A RECORD DEAL.. MAYBE THEY GET FAME AND FORTUNE AND THEY BANG LOADS OF HOT YOUNG CHICKS AND THEIR MERCH IS FLYING OFF THE SHELVES OF EVERY HOT TOPIC FROM BOISE TO SCHENECTADY .... MAYBE THEY THINK THEY'RE HAPPY; MAYBE THEY THINK THEY'RE MAKING GREAT MUSIC; MAYBE THEY'RE "THE NEXT BIG THING" ... BUT ULTIMATELY, ALL THEY REALLY ARE IS BENT OVER ACONFERENCE TABLE IN SOME FANCY BOARDROOM IN SOME SKYSCRAPER IN SOME WITH THEIR, PANTS AROUND THEIR ANKLES, TAKING IT IN THE BUTT.... BLINDFOLDED, PROBABLY.. MAYBE SHACKLED TO A RADIATOR OR SOMETHING... WITH A BALL GAG JAMMED IN THEIR MOUTH... AND A 'KICK ME' SIGN TAPED ON THEIR BACK..... WAIT. WHERE AM I GOING WITH THIS?

NOT IMPORTANT. I'LL PUT THE MORRISSEY SONGS IN THE NEXT ENTRY.... THIS ONE HAS OBVIOUSLY TAKEN ON A MIND OF ITS OWN, AND I'M SICK OF TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHERE THE HELL IT THINKS IT'S GOING.

HEY ... THAT USUALLY ONLY HAPPENS WITH FEELINGS. ... WHAT THE FUCK? ...

I'M FINALLY STARTING TO COME TO TERMS WITH THE [ENTIRELY COUNTERINTUITIVE, UNFAIR, AND CRUEL JOKE OF A] FACT THAT DESPITE MY FEELINGS BEING EXACTLY THAT -- MY FEELINGS -- I CANNOT ALWAYS CONTROL WHEN AND WHERE AND HOW THEY CHOOSE TO MANIFEST THEMSELVES, AND IN WHICH WAYS. IT DOESN'T MEAN I'VE GIVEN UP TRYING. SOMEDAY I WILL BE THE MASTER OF MY INNER DOMAIN.

THEN MAYBE IN MY NEXT LIFE I'LL WORK ON BEING THE MASTER OF MY OUTER DOMAIN.

ALTHOUGH I SUSPECT THAT MASTERING ONE'S OUTER DOMAIN PROBABLY INVOLVES, LIKE.. WASHING DISHES... VACUUMING... PUTTING THINGS AWAY IN 'PROPER PLACES' ... [AS OPPOSED TO, SAY, PUTTING STUFF IN PILES, PUTTING THE PILES IN BINS/LAUNDRY BASKETS/MILK CRATES/ON THE FLOOR/IN CLOSETS/ON ALL OF THE UNOCCUPIED SEATS IN THE LIVING ROOM [IF SOMEONE COMES OVER AND NEEDS A SEAT, PILES ARE SYSTEMATICALLY CONSOLIDATED INTO BIGGER PILES UNTIL THE REQUISITE NUMBER OF SEATS HAVE BEEN CLEARED OFF (BY WHICH POINT, THE 'PILE OF PILES' GENERALLY BEGINS TO EXHIBIT THE CHARACTERISTICS OF A 'HEAP').....]

....

SIMONE DE BEAUVOIR SAID IT BEST:

"FEW TASKS ARE MORE LIKE THE TORTURE OF SISYPHYUS THAN HOUSEWORK, WITH ITS ENDLESS REPITITION: THE CLEAN BECOMES SOILED, THE SOILED IS MADE CLEAN, OVER AND OVER, DAY AFTER DAY."

OK... BRIGITTE BARDOT IS PICKING STUFF OUT OF THE TRASH.
I GOTTA GO REGULATE.