[so when's the next reformation?]

the internet is the new printing press

the trials and tribulations of being a crackhead

i was standing at the coffee grinding machine in stop and shop yesterday and all of the sudden, i hear some lady yell, "yo, you ain't nothin but a crack whore, phyllis! you and yo' crackhead husband, smokin' crack! that's why y'all got 18 kids!" the accuser was a.. umm.. formidable-looking?.. [read: large] woman, dressed in navy blue sweatpants and an oversized t-shirt [obviously more concerned with administering vigilante justice on the streets of dorchester than aesthetics.. commendable, really], and she was walking towards the exit as she was yelling over her shoulder.. i tried not to stare, but i kind of think i probably did anyway. i couldn't see phyllis at this point, but i heard an angry female voice which i assumed was hers screaming about what was going to happen to the big lady if she ever showed up at her [phyllis's] work again. [nothing good, for the record]. while she's yelling about this, phyllis stops and turns around just to the left of where i was standing, and when the other lady gets to where phyllis is standing, they get all up in each other's faces. phyllis was a much smaller lady than the other one. she had long hair, a cell phone, and a miniskirt... she looked quite a lot more employable than the other lady, but as we all know, appearances can be deceiving, so don't take my word for it. anyway, i didn't see who started it, but somebody shoved somebody, and suddenly they were grabbing at each others' clothes and hair [obviously... why do girls always go for the hair?] and as soon as people started noticing, a crowd started to form around then, but i think everyone around kind just wanted to watch because nobody made a move to intervene until a cop, who had been standing near the door of the market, ran over and tried to break it up ... ha! he had about half the size and a quarter of the determination of the bigger woman -- he had no fuckin chance. a few other dudes ran over to help him and he radioed for a car and whatever .. they finally got them apart, and my coffee had finished grinding by now, so i didn't stick around to see what happened next. i did notice that there was an enormous clump of hair [extension] on the ground, and they had knocked over some of the coffee cans on the endcap.

so... welcome to boston.

it's **** to be home.

help

... i can't seem to find my boyfriend! i've looked everywhere! help!

i'm home

i'm not thrilled, but i'm sure it gets better.

wow

nine days without a single fight.

it's a new record.


(honestly.)

AGEHGHHRGGGHHHHHHH I HATE WAITING

funny how the closer something gets, the harder it is to wait for it ... i remember when i first found out will was coming to visit, and i thought, "oh, well three weeks isn't too bad; it will go by fast," and it has.. faster than i thought it would, really ... but now, it's 1:15 in the afternoon and he should be getting on a plane right about now because i'm supposed to meet him at heathrow tonight, in about seven hours, and every minute feels like a fucking day and a half.. i've been up since 8, as seems to be the trend lately, and i'm trying to keep myself occupied, but every time i look at my phone to check the time it's about three hours earlier than i feel like it should be, and it's driving me fucking craaaaazy.. or mad, if you prefer. seriously, i'm tempted to go home, take a shower, get on a bus, and ride around the city for a few hours just to kill time .. or, perhaps, to get on the tube and spend the remainder of the afternoon hanging out in an airport bar at heathrow with a bottle of wine and a pack of cigarettes, watching the "arrivals" screen until his flight shows up on it.. ahghhhhghghhhh blerahgh..honestly,i just don't know what to do with myself.. etre et avoir, which is one of my favorite movies, is playing at the french cinema in south kensington, but i've decided not to go because i am far too fidgety and antsy and excited to sit calmly in a theatre for two hours ... i did just buy some period pain medication with codeine in it at boots (triple advantage points weekend!!), so maybe i'll go take, like, four of those and have a drink or something.. though with my luck that will just make time go by even more slowly.. but maybe i won't care as much..?

interesting hypothesis.

guess i'll let you know.

it's time..

..for a new tattoo, i think..

and with that, i'm off to camden to procure one (hopefully).

bleghrhgh

[PITY PARTY]
there are far, far too many skinny women in london.. i am hoping it's just PMS that's causing me to feel as though all of my clothes have suddenly shrunk three sizes.. everything i put on feels so constricting and unattractive and i feel like i'm hanging out all over the place ... i have resorted to wearing this brown, longish, flow-y dress that is all gathered at the top and has sort of an empire waist.. it looks like a maternity dress but at least (1) it's cool [temperature-wise,at least] and (2) i don't have to constantly hold my stomach in or think about how tight my stupid jeans are or how fat my thighs probably look because of it. blerhghh. on top of that, i have a zit on my chin and a hangover from drinking almost an entire bottle of beaujolais in a little over an hour last night..and no motivation to go anywhere or do anything, because i'm so self conscious about how i think i must look.. ugh. i'm not usually like this.. not having any friends makes everything harder, really. go figure.
[END PITY PARTY]


TWO DAYS... i can't wait.

have i mentioned i hate sundays?

maybe 'hate' is too strong a word.. but i am rather bored. it's hot as shit in my room, so i'm at the coffee shop til my computer's battery dies and i'm debating whether to spend my last 20 quid on food or a fan ... we'll see.

i spent the better part of yesterday lying on my bed watching england's first world cup game [we won!.. or.. they won.. no, we won!] and listening to harry potter and the order of the phoenix on audiobook on my computer, since my ipod has refused to charge since i let all its power run out the other night when i fell asleep listening to hp and the goblet of fire.. i'm a little bit perturbed, because the mp3 of HP5 is 26 hours long and i only have 3 hours left; i'm at the part when harry and ron and hermione and luna and neville are at the ministry of magic in the department of mysteries, fighting the death eaters, and i really didn't want to stop listening to it, but i had to get out.. had my ipod been working properly, obviously it wouldn't have been a problem, but now i'm here and i'm being subjected to some stereotypical coffee shop sunday afternoon world music mix bullshit.. whatever. at least it's air conditioned.. and i can smoke, and i have this delicious iced mocha latte and my computer says it still has an hour of battery life left, which i know is a blatant lie, considering i've already been here for 20 minutes, but at hey, i'll take what i can get.. and as soon as i have more money, i'll go to the apple store on regent street and buy an AC adaptor, and all my problems will be solved.. and i have to say, the fact that that's currently my biggest problem right now is pretty fuckin good news.. especially considering some of the shit that i've been through [okay, gotten myself into] over the past year or so.

i hate the weekends, because everybody's out and every place is crowded and none of my friends are on AIM. i found a bunch of interesting shows to go to this week; no bands i've ever heard of, but that's the fun part ... tomorrow i'm going to the old operating theatre museum, and maybe the tate modern .. there are so many amazing, cheap things to do in london, and i haven't been taking advantage of that fact nearly as much as i should.. that's the problem when i'm in a place that i feel comfortable in; it's not so much a matter of 'staying within my comfort zone' (in this case, my neighborhood) as being perfectly content to lay low and spend time in the park or in my room .. i know there's a whole huge city out there, but just knowing is enough; i rarely feel compelled to actually get out there, but every time i do, i'm reminded of why i love this place as much as i do.. so that's my mission this week, to 'get out there' and enjoy london while i can, because it won't be long before i'm sitting back in boston (in central air!!!) with my cutes and my friends and (i almost said 'my will' but i don't want him to think i'm suddenly getting all possessive [even if, on some level,i guess i always have been, to an extent... this isn't the place for that, though]) will, bitching about how there's nothing to do in that city and spending weekends in the valley and wishing i were back here.


i think that's all,for now.

oh yeah.. also, coffee makes me have to poo.

p.s.

today is 06/06/06 in any country and i decided it's officially THE MOST METAL DAY IN HISTORY [or since 6 june 1906, at least].

anyway, as this new order song ends, until tomorrow, i'm only listening to metal. first up.. at the gates, slaughter of the soul, in its entirety. obviously.

ME

I AM THE WORST CONCENTRATER EVER.

SERIOUSLY.

THE WORST.

i woke up at 7:30 this morning because i have to write 1800 words by 5 PM. it is now 10:42 AM, and so far, i have:
* given myself a haircut
* watched the same episode of big brother that i watched last night
* carefully applied my makeup
* watched frasier (which i don't even like)
* ate some carrot sticks ('batons')
* taken some pictures of my new haircut
* gotten dressed
* changed my outfit
* put all my stuff in the bag i bought to replace the one that's about to rip through at the seams [bringing the grand total of bags i have destroyed by overloading them to 3]
* walked to the bus stop
* gotten on the bus
* gotten off the bus
* ordered a large latte for takeaway
* received a latte in an enormous mug
* suspected that the management would frown upon me removing said mug from the establishment (and subsequently witheld a tip from the "barrista" who served me)
.. and here i am, back at the corner table with my computer and my headphones (morrissey's keeping me company) and my ashtray ... checked my email and myspace messages, perused the guardian's website to see if anything important had happened, glanced at the weather forecast, wrote a cursory outline for the paper, and now my battery's nearly dead and my coffee's nearly gone and i only have one cigarette left, i'm broke and starving, and i'm trying to figure out where to go from here..

alright.. six hours and 9 minutes.. 1800 words.. it can be done. maybe i'll go the library. i have to pee first, though.

coffee

why didnt anybody ever tell me that coffee was this fucking strong

jesus christ i might as well be on drugs... ok, maybe its not that good, but..desperate times.. you know.

i'm sitting here in the coffee shop on kensington high street because i found the smoking section and i ordered a mocha latte but they gave me a regular latte and it wasn't even that big but i guess they put a lot of caffeine in it because i could run a fucking marathon right now except my legs would fall off and i'd probably die of dehydration, but ..you get the point

emailed my professor about missing three classes (officially he's supposed to fail me after two, but hey, i had to meet my parents at the airport on friday and i didn't get back in time... traffic's a bitch. what can you do??) and my paper being late and he wrote back "no problem, that's fine, see you in class today hopefully, cheers" .. nicest dude ever. i feel better. battery's dying..gotta go find a plug.

no plugs in the smoking section....worst. guess i've smoked enough, though. see you later.

i should probably eat something.

oh,like this delicious almond croissant.

i fucking hate school

avian flu...

... is for the birds!

get it?!

saturday morning..

.. and belkin54g is in full effect, though it's anyone's guess how long that might last.. so far today, i've woken up, watched friends, ate some melted chocolate fudge brownie ice cream, put jeans and flip flops on (and a bra under will's merc shirt, which i slept in last night ... come to think of it, i don't think he even knows i have it.. well.. i don't think he knew, til he reads this.. [sorry sweetie, but you left it at my house.. you can have it back when you get here]), tried to make my bedhead-y hair look like fashion (as opposed to laziness,which is what it was), walked to the store, bought a 10 pack of camel lights (because i can't afford 20) and a coke, and dropped my battery off at jessops, where they're kind enough to charge it for me until the charger that i ordered arrives next week.. then i got back here and the internet was working! hallelujah! (and it's not even sunday) .. anyway, i have to go to the kensington library in a bit, as the school's library is closed til 3 pm tomorrow.. i also have to go to argos and pick up the duvet cover i reserved online. it's absolutely fucking perfect outside today... sunny and about 65, with a slight breeze... and ..oh,hey, would you look at that.. there's another episode of friends on! it's the one where rachel has her baby.. anyway, i'm sitting here with the window wide open and the curtain (ok, sheet) pulled to the side ... the sun and the wind and the outside are all pouring in, and i just have to say that right now, it really does feel like home.

and now i can't find my tiny pack of cigarettes..

..it really is just like home.

p.s. yesterday i had the best almond croissant of my life at the little cafe around the corner.

p.p.s. they were in my bag.

gray

the sky in london has its own shade of gray, i think.

more pictures coming soon.

this sitting outside and stealing wireless internet thing is probably the best idea i've ever had .. why? because i can smoke, and i'm outside, AND i'm on the internet.. and as anyone who read my autobiography knows, my favo(u)rite outside activity is talking.. and being on the internet is the new talking.

try this: http://staci.itsfun.be/LONDON/


[it works!]