update

so, the new toilet seat broke. now, there is no toilet seat, which has significantly decreased the amount of time i spend in the bathroom. it has not, however, decreased the amount of time i spend thinking about how much better the bathroom could be.

in other news, i went to bloomingdales today, and i felt sorry for all the people working there.. it must be terribly uncomfortable for them to have to walk around the store with those huge sticks up their fucking asses all day long. regardless, i was thrilled beyond belief to find that marc jacobs has collaborated with my favorite article of clothing of all time (the hoodie, obviously) and created what can only be described as 100% cotton pure fucking bliss with a zipper and a hood. outrageously overpriced, of course.. but worth every last bleeding cent.

besides.. i charged it.

PETE BOUCHARD'S FORECAST WEDNESDAY 14 DEC 2005

WHDH-TV - Boston - The News Station: "After a cold day, it's a dang (not wise to cuss after a promotion) cold night (Avril Levigne). Temps will be in freefall after dark. We should land either side of zero around Worcester, to the low 10s downtown. That would make it the coldest morning since March 9th (11 degrees in Boston).

Which really doesn't mean much anymore - of course it's the coldest morning since last winter. We're comparing winters after all! (See how the cold plays with your mind?)

So when will it warm up? Well, since we're like a toddler exploring his surroundings, let's define what a warmup is. Anything over 30? Gotta wait until Friday...and with that a storm.

No, it's not like last Friday. That was historic. This is run-of-the-mill; although there are some kinks to work out, Lola.

Where does the storm track, west or east? It means EVERYTHING to the precipitation type. West means mix and ice, east means snow. What's your fancy? (Spring is not an option). My take is to the west, which spells quick changeover after a period of snow.

But look at me rambling about Friday. Some cold times ahead.

As Burl Ives said in Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, 'wake me when it's over'."

i'm sitting in my bathroom, which, for some inexplicable reason, has no electricity. lately, the hot water seems to run out before i even get in the tub, it's always cold downstairs, and the messes only get bigger, despite the fact that i am expending all the energy i can get my hands on trying to clean them all up. that's half the problem, i think .. too much time working, and any time not spent working is spent thinking about how i 'should' be working; how much i 'have' to do, how much i 'should' be getting done.. how i 'shouldn't' be painting, i 'should' be doing laundry... i 'shouldn't' be shopping for shoes, i 'should' be making sure all the shoes i already have are each in their own little compartment and not in a big pile in the bottom of a closet or something... i 'should' be looking for jobs, instead of figuring out how to live beyond my means and ultimately leave the banks and creditors to deal the outstanding balances.. i 'should' be finishing college, so i can get a degree and put it on my resume and then everyone will see how i've paid my dues and what a good little worker i am.. but all of those things [the ones i 'should' be doing] smell suspiciously like bullshit to me... and i am about 99.9% certain they are most, if not all, of the reason that i am sitting here on my new toilet seat in the dark for the umpteenth hour this week knowing that there's something that just isn't getting out and honestly at this point i don't even know what it is or where it's going to be coming from but it's coming soon, so watch out.

from the myspace vaults.

[05 Aug 2005 | Friday]


SORRY AN UNEXPECTED ERROR HAS OCCURRED

consider this an abstract for once because the concrete is taking its toll on us both and i'm all out of change because we took it to the bank but there's no fastlane on this highway and crashing through the gate full speed ahead won't help us escape the fines but it just might wreck the vehicle or kill us both if a sidewalk suddenly appears smack in the middle of an open-ended free-fall or we feel it start to set around our feet and hearts and minds and throats and it is zero to suffocating,constricting, binding without a moment's notice and are we bound to each other or to the ground beneath our feet behind our backs where we've been what we saw who we met when all we wanted was to see and be scene places or times or contexts that rub the this-couldn't-be-more-wrong way with magic fingers that are anything but i long to be back amongst piles of clutter; two but-officer-i-swear-i'm-innocent bystanders caught in a crossfire of mixed signals and unreconciled expectations bumps in the night lines on the desk in the sand up so late it's early and we both have so much class so where's the safety on this thing because my trigger finger's getting itchy but i'm not shooting to kill or shooting blanks just drowning out a silence that is screaming to be heard and i never even knew i was bilingual but it's not just the words and there is nothing wrong with speaking in tongues but you spoke for us both when you said it best the road to hell is paved with good intentions but my label had a caveat (slippery when wet) and we're still all wet behind the ears between the sheets of colored paper a thousand tiny books and oh so many lists kinetic energy becomes a momentum that could facilitate a crash landing or a successful launch but check the thermal blanket before the countdown starts because it's getting kind of hot in here or maybe that's just you but either way i'm not going out on a wire in zero gravity to fix it if you never wanted to go for broke in the first place because this place has no atmosphere but we create our own and it's so hard to find good help these days but if the foundation's just been poured i'll tread lightly but not if it's set i'll dig in my heels because i can't stand for less and i can't even walk in those things but lord knows i can dig so take your coat off, stay awhile, but i can't get too comfortable if it's not a union job and the scabs would leave on their own if i could stop being so picky but i bleed it all dry before the smoke even clears when the bar is set so high we can't even see the top shelf but i'm through with that other swill 'cause i've been there and done them and no matter how i felt going down they never measured up so i bit off more than i could chew to spite my big mouth and save face but i learned a long time ago to watch what i sink my teeth into and yeah i'm still bitter but you certainly sweeten the deal so keep it coming honey because my bad taste is fading fast and all that's left is us and that is all you so give yourself a hand for once but let me hold the other and i'll work on my grip if you start taking some credit because if you don't i'll have to pay cash and banker's hours are for suckers with nothing better to do than submit to those rules play that game beating a hasty retreat into the dark under the covers out of the limelight to pay their dreams a visit but they have no idea what they're missing because i live mine and leave the light on because there's nowhere to run to when there's nothing to hide and i don't need a pool to tell you that the water's fine once you get used to it so go get your feet wet and i'll stay in the deep end because i went off it a long time ago but you're welcome to join me at any time but take a deep breath first and you won't even feel it if you dive right in and it's never sink or swim when we both know how to float the only facets i care about are yours because diamonds have never been any friend of mine there's just glass on this field baby but we can still play ball 'cause that's the shit that keeps us on our toes and off our knees off the bench and i didn't even mind the fireworks with you by my side

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