twenty five whores in the room next door

<3 sisters of mercy


.... i just drooled on myself a little.

ew.



alright. i'm allowed one more cigarette 's worth of blatant procrastination, and then it's time to get down to business. i don't exactly know what business, but.... business, for sure.. the business of putting a dent in. something... anything... for the love of god, i just need some tangible fucking results.. for the past few days, i've been half-assedly "organizing" things.. more like 'shifting piles', really, but that's not the point ...well, actually, i guess it sort of is, because as i've been sorting through all my shit, i keep finding all the tiny notebooks i've used over the past year or so.. most of them were abandoned about 20 pages in (or three weeks, whichever came first), but that's not what's upsetting... what is, is that EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM [10 or 12, at least] is full of countless [very slight] variations on exactly the same to-do list ... and it's nearly identical to the one i made yesterday. it's nothing i didn't already know , or, at the very least, strongly suspect.. i mean, i definitely used to make jokes about it, and there were certainly times when i honestly wasn't bothered about it in the least, but seeing it all there, in writing.. MY writing.. so many times... for so many months.. well, it's not really very funny, is it? ... so .... tangible results.

no. 'tangible results' could go either way, really -- turning a big mess into a bigger mess is certainly a 'tangible result', isn't it? so i guess it's not just 'results' i'm going for this time.. it's tangible IMPROVEMENTS.


.. stay tuned.


it's fucking freezing in here

[also... that one was definitely for sharing]