summer is fucking retarded.

i'd kill myself if i didn't have air conditioning.


also, i'm fucking bored.

i have been sitting here downloading photoshop brushes for about two hours. this means i am now going to have the same problem with brushes as i do with fonts -- too many choices. i don't know who decided that variety is 'the spice of life', but .... oh, here. william cowper: "variety's the very spice of life, that gives it all its flavour."

... pffffffffffft.

flavo[u]r's overrated.

i guess the problem is that i like having lots of options, but i hate making decisions.i like thinking about what might happen if i choose x; the pros and cons of y; what my mother will think if i go with z; how happy b might make me; how good c would look; etc.... and that's really enough for me. i don't need to see how it actually plays out. i would be perfectly content sitting in a room somewhere thinking about things for the rest of my life, which, from what i gather, most people seem to think is weird (or boring, or pathetic, or a cop-out, whatever). all i can say is that i don't know what happens in anybody else's mind, but as far as i'm concerned, the shit that goes on in mine is infinitely better than anything the real world has to offer.. and the only time that ever seems to change is when some external factor (i.e. war, politics, bureaucracy, society, the weather, some boy, etc.) hijacks my thought process[es] .....

anyway .. enough of that shit. i'm gonna go unzip my brushes.

then i'm going to use them to create poignant, stunning, thought-provoking works of digital abstract post-post-modern transgressive conceptual art.

and eventually, charles saatchi will find me, and then.. move over, YBAs!^1 i'll be the catalyst for a whole new movement in the art world .... i'm not sure exactly what it will be called, but i'm absolutely certain that it will involve me spending lots of time hanging out in galleries,chain-smoking, drinking whiskey and/or wine from the bottle, and laughing at all the assholes paying obscene sums of money for some shit i threw together in photoshop in an hour and a half.....

OH MAN... being an artist is gonna rule!! it's obviously my true calling.... i can't believe it took me so this to realize it.. and to think, when i was little, i wanted to be an opthamologist!! .. qu'elle idiote!

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1. [in all honesty, the YBAs have all turned into MABAs by now, and they've lost their collective edge. yawn!]