fuck that. i have enough character.

i started writing some shit but i erased it because i thought it sounded whiny and obnoxious, and i'm better than that. long story short.. i just got really upset about a bunch of things all at once (PMS and exhaustion certainly made it worse than it probably should have been)... and i was sitting here at this desk in my hotel room, crying (about nothing in particular, and everything in general), and it occurred to me that even my closest friend, geographically-speaking, is literally thousands of miles away. i don't even have so much as an acquaintance anywhere even remotely nearby.. i guess it just made me realize how alone i really am.. if something terrible happened and i ended up in the hospital or something, i know there are people who would drop everything to be by my side.. but regardless of how ready and willing and anxious they were to see me, it would be a minimum of ..hmm, probably at least 9 or so hours... i mean, the flight itself is only between five and six.. but by the time you got to the airport, through security, on the plane, off the plane, through customs, and to the hospital... i'd probably be either dead or all better, depending on the situation.

anyway.. my point isn't that i think something terrible will happen.. it's just that.. i don't know. there are so many different ways to keep in touch these days.. IMs and text messages and phone calls and emails and postcards and pictures and letters and telegrams and videos and so on.. but nothing takes the place of actually being there.. and nothing can change the fact that, regardless of how much i may want and/or need someone to be here with me, there are thousands of miles (and hundreds of dollars) standing between us, and they can't be taken lightly.