i will freely admit to not knowing shit about football.. i know about soccer; at least, i know how it's played (chase and kick ball around field; don't touch it with yr hands unless yr the one with the neat gloves; try to put it in the net that has a guy from the other team standing in front of it) ... but the other day, i decided i needed to adopt a team (excuse me... a 'club'), because it's so huge over here, and i'm sick of sitting around and watching everybody else have all the fun. i tried to do some internet research, but i think i actually knew less at the end of it than i had when i started out ... it's so overwhelming; all these cups and leagues and teams and clubs and divisions ... i'm sure it all makes perfect sense once you put it all together [no i'm not], but i just ended up more confused than ever, and i still have no idea which team is mine. right now, however, i'm watching the FA cup final.. it's liverpool v west ham, and evidently, west ham are like eight divisions below liverpool, which i assume means that somebody cheated, or something, but regardless.. eight divisions?? who even needs eight divisions? why are they even on the same field?? is this comparable to, say, the yankees ending up in the world series against the pawtucket sox? i have no frame of reference; i'm trying to piece it all together ... ANYWAY, i'm supporting west ham, at least today, because i always root for the underdogs... and i didn't even plan on watching the whole match; i was supposed to have gone to the laundromat two hours ago, but about 15 minutes into it, some dude from liverpool totally kicked the ball into the wrong fucking net and scored a goal for west ham, and i was hooked. then, some dude who evidently just started playing for west ham [and who, i gather, nobody had very high expectations of] scored another goal.. then some liverpool douchebags scored two before the first half [period? inning?] [uh.. jk] was out.. so it was tied... and then a few minutes ago this kid from west ham got what they tell me is only the second goal he's scored since he's been on the team, and now they're up by one again, but i don't know how much time is left, because the clock seems to be counting up rather than down .. what a weird fucking country. anyway, my guys [west ham, remember?] are doing me proud so far... keep it up, boys! .... WHAT THE FUCK

THAT FUCKING COCKSUCKING DOUCHEBAG WANKER STEVEN GERRARD JUST SCORED ANOTHER FUCKING GOAL FOR LIVERPOOL

now its tied, and going into extra time.... oh what the fuck? they HAD that shit! LOOK ALIVE!

no fucking WAY is my team losing their first game as my team ... maybe they don't realize they're only my team on a trial basis right now.. i need to shop around a little more before i can feel good about making a decision; i don't think it's the sort of thing you're allowed to change your mind about ... do they think that being A BUNCH OF LOSERS is the way to win my support?? .. if so, i have news for them: regardless of what the other team's song says... keep this shit up, and west ham (more like west SHAM) just may find themselves walking alone yet!


now if you'll excuse me .... i have to pound the rest of this tiny bottle of wine whilst i sit here in agony,forcing myself to watch the rest of the match ... it's so nerve-wracking.. i hate extra time! all it takes is one really bad move... or one really good move... and it's all over.... AGHGHGHBAHGJ!! I CAN'T WATCH...

..if we lose, i'm starting a riot!!!

..if we win, i'm starting a riot!!!!!

AWWWWW, poor steven gerrard has a cramp in his leg!

bubbles!!
WHATTTHTHTHTHHHHAE FUCCKCKCKCKKKKK

THAT FUCKING BALL WAS LITERALLY LESS THAN AN INCH AWAY FROM GOING IN

UN-FUCKING-BELIEVABLE! EVEN I COULD HAVE GOTTEN THAT IN!!! WHAT THE FUCK

IM GONNA THROW THE FUCKING TV OUT THE WINDOW IF THESE ASSHOLES DONT STOP FUCKING AROUND AND FINISH THIS GODDAMN GAME. ITS GIVING ME ANXIETY.