goth's not dead, even if it wishes it was (or: TWENTY FIVE WHORES IN THE ROOM NEXT DOOR!)
sisters of mercy were amazing; i'm so glad i decided to go .. i very nearly bailed on myself; i couldn't get to sleep on sunday night, despite my best efforts ... four tylenol PM's and ten hours later, i woke up around 2:30 on monday afternoon. my original plan was to leave boston early, at 10 or so, so i would have time to hang out [ok, go shopping] in nyc before the show.
[ok, i didn't even really want to shop in nyc; i wanted to go to this mall in long island, because there's a nordstrom there, and they had these shoes i really wanted; there's also a forever 21 there, and i was hoping they would have a better selection than the one in saugus.]
[they did, but i'll get to that.]
anyway, i woke up, checked my email, checked to see if anyone has actually been reading
this stupid thing, chatted with allie and joe and jenn on aim, and before i knew it, it was quarter past three. the later it got, the less i felt like getting in the car to drive four hours to new york, by myself, to spend two hours (max) at a show, only to get back in the car, by myself, and drive four hours home.... this whole time, i have itunes playing songs on random, and suddenly the song "walk away" came on and reminded me how much i love this band.. i started listening to them in seventh grade, and they have remained in the rotation pretty much ever since. i reminded myself how much i hate myself every time i decide not to go to a show, and promised myself that i could turn around and come back home at any point along the way if i decided that i "really, REALLY" didn't want to go, then i got dressed, got in the car, and started driving..
.. and i never wanted to stop.
i didn't want to come back.
it would have been nice to have company, but going alone was kind of nice, too. sitting around the house alone, surrounded by constant reminders of all the shit i'm trying to deal with, gets real old real fast .. but being alone in my car, with a shit ton of rad songs on my ipod and nobody bitching about how i drive, or how much i smoke, or how frequently i stop at rest areas, or what we listen to next, is pretty fucking awesome. i kept the music at the perfect volume -- not so loud as to be overwhelming, but just loud enough to drown absolutely everything else out. i listened to a lot of shit i haven't heard in forever and remembered how much i love the memories that so many of those songs evoke; love how hearing a song i haven't heard in forever can remind me of a person or a day or a show that i had almost forgotten; love falling in love with music again and again; love how it is the one thing in my life that is both a constant, and a variable. sometimes, i hate it for the exact same reasons .. i hate how certain songs automatically evoke certain memories or people; i hate those people for 'ruining' that particular song/album/band ... i guess what i really hate is relinquishing control over my emotions and thoughts, which i guess sounds ridiculous, but.. that's me. it's not about 'control'; it's really more about 'choice'. i don't like being confronted with anything ever, really, but particularly without warning. i don't like confrontations with other people, and i don't like them with myself. i'm all for introspection (maybe sometimes too much so), but i like to be able to choose what i think about, and when, and where. i hate getting emotional around other people, not because i'm embarrassed or ashamed, but because i hate to inflict my personal issues or problems or sentimentality or bad decisions upon anyone else.......
right. this isn't therapy, and i'm much more interesting than that. [so i like tangents. sue me. i always frequently meander back to my original point, eventually.]
so. drove to nyc; got to queens around 7:30 and couldn't decide whether or not to go to long island or head straight for manhattan; i knew doors were at 8 and the warlocks were opening, but .. they're really, really cute shoes ... and since there was nobody there to tell me not to, and no traffic, and no real rush, i went to the mall first. i was in and out of nordstrom, forever 21, and urban outfitters in less than an hour; i drove to manhattan, found a parking spot [and made all the lights] on 2nd avenue, about a block from the venue, convinced the guy at the door to let me in despite having left all of my ID at home, and got inside about thirty seconds before sisters of mercy went on. i wasn't sure what to expect, but they were
fucking
amazing.
i was pretty near the front, but i was surrounded by amazonian goth girls in their ridiculous eight-inch platform boots, so all of the pictures i took have the heads of the people around me in them. whatever. i danced my ass off and had an amazing time, and developed a little crush on the guitar player who was standing closest to me. i'm not sure why; i think just because he got so into it, and he looked like he was having so much fun up there. i need a band. i need musical talent first, i guess, but.. not really. i think there's some mathematical equation that pertains to female musicians .. like as long as the amount of clothing you wear is inversely proportional to the amount of actual musical talent you possess, you're guaranteed success.. or a lot of money, which (in this country, anyway) pretty much amounts to the same thing.
left the show at 11:45.. stopped by the virgin megastore in union square to get HP4 on dvd at midnight.. (and found a parking spot directly outside the building, which was pretty amazing).. got a really cute ben sherman bag for more than 50% off, and i didn't even know it was on sale because it wasn't marked on the tag (incidentally, that is the absolute best thing that can happen while shopping: surprise discounts on things you were willing to pay full price for) .... drove home, listened to pelican and the shins, until the shins got me thinking too much, at which point, i had to give em the boot.. then, i spent the last two hours listening to the smiths, because as odd as it might seem, they make me happier than any other band ever possibly could. i got home around 4:30 and morrissey [the cat] was missing; eventually i found him in the hallway outside my apartment, which means he must have escaped when i left and got stuck out there all day [oops]. talked to matt in new zealand for a couple of hours on aim, which was incredible; saw the pictures he's taken so far, and they made me realize that i desperately need to spend more time outdoors. also, a disturbing number of my friends have all begun these bizarre and sadistic fitness regimens that involve going to the gym in what, to me, is still the middle of the night .. what's worse, they all say they actually enjoy it .. well, good for you guys. i'll just stay in bed, thanks.. though i think i should really consider getting a bike for the spring. i think i'd get out more.
[no i wouldn't; or, if i did, it wouldn't be because of the bike, but because of the vast improvement in weather conditions]
i'm going to bed. the pictures i took didn't come out that great -- it was smoky and dark and gothy -- but there's a link to them anyway. go nuts.
SISTERS OF MERCY - WEBSTER HALL, NYC - 03/06/06
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