10 HOURS LATER ...

... are you surprised i didn't have more to say?

[as peaceful as i'm sure it's been, it's actually not a very good sign.]

you said we could talk about it tomorrow ... but did it ever occur to you that i might not want to talk about it tomorrow? ... or the next day? or three weeks from now ... or ten years from now... or ever? i've said everything i have to say about it, and then some... and then some more ... and it's gotten us absolutely nowhere. i'm as tired of saying it as you are of hearing it, and we both know that neither one of us is going to budge an inch... seems to me that this, my dear, is what the teamsters would refer to as "an impasse".

[.... mediaton??? .... arbitration?? ........ binding arbitration????]


the most frustrating thing about days like today is how ultimately, they have very little to do with 'today' -- the things that are happening now aren't problematic in and of themselves, but i can't see them without seeing everything that came before them, too, and that's where things start to get messy .... years and years of yesterdays, and still no tomorrow in sight ...



it drains me.

i don't even have the energy to get mad anymore.. or sad, or jealous, or offended; actually, to be perfectly honest, i'm too tired [not physically ... but mentally, and emotionally] to feel much of anything these days, it seems... and anything i do feel, bad or good, never seems to stick around for more than about five minutes.. which, now that i'm thinking about it, is actually incredibly fucked up.


.... oh well.


i think we both knew that casualties were inevitable.

---

Q. what do you call someone who tells you that you may either (a) have some cake, or (b) eat some cake, but that you may not, under any circumstances, either eat any cake you chose to have, OR to have any cake you chose to eat ... then proceeds to hand you two huge slabs of cake, a fork, a roll of paper towels, some ice cream, a doggy bag, $20, a cell phone, and a mini-fridge; says, "now... between you and me, there are at least sixteen more cakes in that closet over there, but do try to remember our deal.. oh, silly me, what am i saying?! of course you'll remember!! i know i can trust you!! now, i'm off to the mall, so be good.. have fun... call me later and let me know how it's going!! well, only if you want to, of course!! tee-hee!!"; and takes off?

A. marissa