them or me?

i never wanted it to come to this because i hoped you would choose on your own without me having to put the proverbial gun to your head but it's locked and loaded because this is where the buck stops and the bullshit ends. i am through 'looking the other way' and coming up with outlandish rationalizations to excuse the behavior that i found inexcusable from the start. i tell myself it's because i love you so much, because i respect you, because i know about your past, am trying to be sensitive, am trying to get you to believe in yourself as much as i have always believed in you ..

.. what if i'm wrong?

maybe i've been bullshitting myself all along. maybe i'm the sucker. maybe we'll never know .. but one thing is for certain: i deserve better than this.

so do you.

so does she.

you're gonna miss me, baby..

.. or maybe you won't. maybe it's all been for nothing. i don't know.

the only thing i do know is that something has to change, because something - or someone - has got to give, and this time, that someone isn't going to be me.