the first pitch

i went to walk my friend to his car tonight [because he parked near the convenient store at the end of the street and i was out of coke, not because i'm that gracious of a hostess] and realized, just as i was leaving my apartment that i didn't have any shoes or socks on. thankfully, despite my concentrated efforts to relocate all of my shoes to the 15-cube "modular storage unit" in my bedroom closet [purchased at target several months ago, when the tantalizing prospect of "finally getting my life in order" seemed like a fun and engaging way to spend what was to be my last summer vacation before my last year as an undergraduate], a few stragglers had managed to retain their stronghold in last year's "strategically placed cardboard box in the closet near the door". i always kept the shoes in the closet upstairs, despite my bedroom being downstairs, because having them near the door made sense to me: i put shoes on to leave the house, and i take them off when i get home, but i like to have them all in one place. i hate when they're left in the middle of a room, or casually kicked off and left under a table or in a corner [i always manage to trip over them]. part of it used to be that i needed to see all the shoes before i could decide which ones to wear, but i have made significant cuts in the shoe department recently, and what's left are the ones i know by heart, so that's not so much of an issue anymore. regardless, whether i'm coming or going, the closet in the living room is either the last or first place i encounter on my way, so it seemed like the most logical place for shoe storage. [that has nothing to do with anything, but everyone appreciates a good back-story once in awhile, right?]

anyway, here's where shit gets real cliche real fast. so i open the closet and see three pairs of shoes in a cardboard box -- my low tan wallabees, these black and pink round toe flats that i got at marshalls for wicked cheap, and my last best pair of black low top all-stars. a brief spasm of moral outrage (fueled by righteous indignation and adbusters magazine, ca. summer 2004) resulted in the removal of the "all star" logos from the tongues and a red dot in permanent marker drawn squarely in the center of the toe of the left one [symbolic of the kicking of corporate ass, dude!!!], but that has nothing to do with my attachment to them. it's not just all-stars in general, as i've likely owned upwards of fifty different pairs since my first [blue low-tops that i got in seventh grade; i had these white shoelaces with multicolored stars on them that i found in some drugstore; i thought i was so original .. i guess i was, for my age and the time] ... anyway, this pair is different, but it has nothing to do with any label or image or idea or anything except the fact that they just ... fit. they're perfectly worn, but not falling apart; they never give me blisters, with or without socks; they go with everything and never seem out of place.. always appropriate, even when they're inappropriate. regardless of all these things, i rarely wear them, but every time i do, i ask myself why that is, because they could be my only pair of shoes, and i might never look back, but i guess i answered that question with the first sentence of this paragraph: because they make me feel like a walking cliche. that's not really it, though .. it's really that they make me feel like people must think i'm a walking cliche, even though i know i'm not. by now, i'm old [experienced?] enough to understand the ridiculousness of that mentality, but that doesn't stop it from invading every so often. it's not as pervasive in my thoughts and actions as it once was, but it's a lurker of the worst order; the kind that makes its' presence glaringly and obnoxiously obvious for just long enough to have an effect, disappears for just long enough to be almost forgotten, and waits until the absolute worst fucking possible moment imagineable to remind everyone that it hasn't gone away yet, and that it likely never will.

i've said too much already, but that's never stopped me before.

stay tuned.